Sometime Around Midnight
by JustKeepWondering
Summary: Shane runs into Carmen and is forced to deal with her emotional pain. Songfic from Airborne Toxic Event. Kind of angsty.
1. Chapter 1

_And it starts _

_sometime around midnight,_

_Or at least that's when you lose yourself_

_for a minute or two._

Shane sighed as she looked around the club, a cold beer in her hand. Jenny was around somewhere, along with Alice. It was close to midnight, but she wasn't sure exactly what time. It didn't matter, not really. All that mattered was being alone for a few minutes. It was strange, but the only time Shane felt truly lonely was when she was surrounded by people.

_As you stand_

_under the bar lights,_

_And the band plays some song_

_about forgetting yourself for a while._

There was a band onstage, a good band, but not one Shane had heard of before. She didn't think she'd look them up, their lyrics hit too close to home. It seemed to Shane that all she did was try to forget herself. Her mistakes were too fresh in her mind to forget them for long, but on nights like this she could push them aside.

_And the piano's this melancholy soundtrack_

_to her smile_

_And that white dress she's wearing_

_you haven't seen her for a while._

Shane turned around, and the crowd seemed to part to reveal a woman standing by the bar. She couldn't believe her eyes. Carmen was standing in front of her, wearing a white dress that fit her perfectly, accentuating all of her curves. Shane shook her head, it was impossible. Carmen hadn't set foot in the club since the break-up, but there she was, after all that time, and it was like nothing had changed. Carmen glanced over, her eyes narrowing slightly before she turned back to the woman she was with.

_But you know_

_that she's watching._

_She's laughing, she's turning,_

_She's holding her tonic like a cross._

Shane knew better than to walk up to Carmen. She wasn't stupid or suicidal. If Carmen wanted to talk to her, she would come over. If she didn't, the worst thing Shane could do was go over there. She'd screwed up with Carmen, and now she'd have to wait and see what Carmen would do. Shane watched unabashedly as Carmen danced with the mystery woman, laughing and smiling, but her eyes constantly came back to meet Shane's.

_The room's suddenly spinning._

_She walks up and asks how you are._

_So you can smell her perfume,_

_You can see her lying naked in your arms._

"Hello, Shane," Carmen says, a confident look on her face. Shane could tell that Carmen was one hundred percent aware of the effect she was having on Shane, who was still in awe of the woman standing before her. The subtle perfume she was wearing was the same she used to wear, and all Shane could think of was holding Carmen as they slept. Shane managed a smile, a careful greeting, and a noncommittal reply about how she was. Carmen smiled back, told Shane she was the happiest she'd ever been, and watched the pain flicker in Shane's eyes. With an air of satisfaction, Carmen walked back to her mystery woman.

_And so there's a change_

_in your emotions._

_And all these memories come rushing_

_like feral waves to your mind._

_Of the curl of your bodies,_

_like two perfect circles entwined._

_And you feel hopeless and homeless_

_and lost in the haze of the wine._

Shane couldn't believe how much seeing Carmen again affected her. She stood motionlessly, memories rushing through her mind. The times they had laughed together, the way Carmen's family had loved her like their own, all the times Shane had woken up with Carmen in her arms. She had loved Carmen, like no one she had known before or since. Their relationship had been one that couldn't be replicated or imitated. Carmen had known Shane in a way that perhaps no one else ever could.

_Then she leaves_

_with someone you don't know,_

_But she makes sure you saw her;_

_She looks right at you and bolts._

_As she walks out the door,_

_your blood boiling, your stomach in ropes._

_Oh and when your friends say,_

"_What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost."_

Carmen looked at Shane one last time with a sad smile before taking her girl's arm and heading for the door. Shane's heart was racing, her head was pounding, and everything inside of her screamed for her to follow Carmen. But she had had her chance with her, and she knew it wasn't her place to beg her to stay. Alice wandered back and gave her a strange look. "What the fuck is the matter with you? You look like you've seen a ghost or something." Shane mumbled a response, something to the effect of 'maybe I have' before chugging the rest of her beer.

_Then you walk_

_under the streetlights,_

_And you're too drunk to notice_

_that everyone is staring at you._

_You just don't care what you look like,_

_the world is falling around you._

Two beers and four shots later, Shane stumbled out of the door. She knew she was drunk, but she just didn't care. The world spun beneath her, and she hit the ground hard. Shane ignored the people who tried to help her up and slowly got to her feet. She didn't notice the stunned look on Alice's face, or the way Jenny was babbling about Shane's strange behavior. She just looked around desperately for what she knew she wouldn't find. Carmen was gone.

_You just have to see her._

_You just have to see her._

_You just have to see her._

_You just have to see her._

_You just have to see her._

_You know that she'll break you in two._

Shane wasn't okay, and she wouldn't be okay until she saw Carmen. She wanted to apologize, beg for forgiveness, make things right. She knew that Carmen would break her again. But she just had to see her.


	2. Chapter 2

Carmen's POV

I hadn't expected to see Shane at the club. Or maybe I had, I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if half the things I do are because of her. I get confused sometimes over whether I do something and it reminds me of Shane, or if I do things to remember her. Either way, she's always in my head. Always.

Anyway, seeing her was like being hit by a truck. I had honestly thought I was over her, but when I saw her under the bar lights I had a sudden urge to wrap my arms around her. Or strangle her. One of the two. She's standing there in a black button-up shirt, her hair partially covering her eyes, just like I remembered. My date, Nicole, tugs my arm gently, and I turn my attention to her. I try to focus, but my eyes keep going back to Shane, who is staring at me like I was a ghost. I wonder vaguely how drunk she is.

Finally, I realize I have to do something. It wasn't right to just ignore her. Besides, I wanted her to know that I was happy. That I had moved on. She didn't need to know that I was not happy, and that I had not moved on. I walk over, put on my most confident face, and smile. "Hello, Shane," flows from my lips, and I can tell I'm making her nervous. She gives me an unsure half-smile and asks how I'm doing. I tell her I'm the happiest I've ever been and I swear I can see her heart break. Part of me cheers, because she broke mine. The other part of me dies. I never wanted to hurt her. I smile again and walk away, back to my date.

Nicole kisses my cheek when I return, and I feel as if I'm going to throw up. After seeing Shane, any feelings I had for Nicole have been extinguished. Nicole's smile is wide, a little too wide, and I realize I miss Shane's smile. Her real smile, not the smile she just gave me. The smile she only had when she looked at me.

"What was that about?" Nicole asks me, playing with my hair. I fight the urge to slap her hand away and told her that we used to date. Nicole laughs. "Shane McCutcheon? She doesn't date, Carmen. She's only about the one-night stand. People call her a player, but she's more of a slut if you ask me. I'm sorry if she hurt you, though."

I want nothing more than to punch Nicole in the face. She didn't know Shane. Not my Shane. The woman who left me at the altar was not my Shane, either. No one understands that but me. I know she hurt me, and I'm angry, but I still know that she didn't want to hurt me. Nicole could never understand that. I look back at Shane, who hasn't moved except to order another drink. It looks like a shot, and I know I'm the reason she's drinking it. I'm torn between wanting her to suffer and wanting me to suffer for doing that to her, and I can't take it anymore. I ask Nicole if we can leave, and she looks hopeful. I know she thinks that we're going to hook up, but any chance of that went out the window when I saw Shane. No one can compare to her, and until I manage to push her from being in my head every moment, I know I won't be doing anything with anyone. I take Nicole's hand and head for the door, smiling softly at Shane one more time.

Nicole babbles in my ear the whole way home, and then she's upset when I drop her off. I make up an excuse for why I can't stay, and she doesn't believe me. I don't care. She can think I'm a liar, I don't want to see her anyway. Not when the only thing in my head is messy brown hair and a cocky smirk. I go back to my apartment and open the refrigerator. It'll be another night of drinking myself to sleep. At least this time, I have a reason to think about her. Not like every other night this week, this month, this year. Those were imagined. This was real, and it hurt. But she was hurting too. Maybe all we were ever destined to do was break each other.


	3. Chapter 3

Finally added this…I kept trying to write it, but it never really came out right. Anyways, I hope it fits in with the other parts okay. Let me know what you think, it's hard to write when you don't know how people are responding. I'm not going to get offended or anything. Just take a little time and drop me a review.

"Hello?" Shane groaned into the phone, her head pounding. She glanced at the clock and winced when she realized it was four in the morning. She rolled out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen, not wanting to wake up Jenny. "Who is this?"

"Hello, Shane."

Shane snapped awake. "Carmen? Is everything okay?"

Carmen was silent for a few seconds. "I'm okay. No, actually, I'm not."

Shane was stunned that Carmen had even called her. It'd been over a month since they had bumped into each other in the club, and Shane had given up hope of seeing her again. "Do…do you want to talk about it?"

Carmen's response was whispered. "Is _she_ there?"

"Jenny's here, but she's in the other room. She's asleep." Shane glanced into the next room and saw her current girlfriend passed out on the bed and winced. "What's the matter, Carmen?"

"I'm sorry for calling. I'm not sure what I expected…I'll let you go."

"No! Wait, Carmen, don't hang up. You're not bothering me, I want to talk to you."

Carmen sighed. "I can't stop thinking about you, Shane. I thought I was over you, that I had pushed you from my mind, but seeing you last month…I can't think of anything else."

"I can't stop thinking about you either. I've never managed to get you out of my head, you know? You're always there. Always. It's killing me, Carmen." Shane's voice was surprisingly tender, and Carmen was glad she had called late. Shane was always a little more vulnerable before the sun came up, before she put her walls up.

"I'm sorry for whispering. I have someone in the other room, too…God, Shane, how did we end up like this?"

Shane didn't answer right away. "I made us like this. I had the best thing in the world and wrecked it. I never told you I was sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I just got scared of myself and what I would do to you and ran. Like a fucking coward." She lowered her voice. "I'm sorry, Carmen."

"I know. And I'm sorry, too. It's not like I made it easy for you. It could've been different. Look, I don't have a lot of time. I'm sorry I woke you up. But Shane, I have to see you. Please, Shane, meet me tonight. I won't tell Jenny, it can be a secret."

Shane hesitated. She could hear Jenny moving around in the next room and knew it was a matter of seconds before she came looking for her. "Um…okay. I have to go, I'll meet you at Kit's at nine."

Carmen whispered one last thing. "I still love you, Shane."

"I love you, Carmen. I never stopped." Then Carmen hung up, and Shane was alone in the kitchen. Jenny came in, asked her who she was talking to. Shane just shrugged her off, not interested in talking to her. She made an excuse about being tired and went back to bed. She listened to Jenny's slow, steady breathing and felt tears well up in her eyes. She felt awful about it, but Jenny wasn't what she wanted. Because Jenny wasn't Carmen, and she never would be.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, I think this is the end...maybe. I'm toying with a few other ideas, different ways to handle the relationship, but for this one I feel like I pulled things together like I wanted and hopefully you guys will like it. Again, I would love some reviews, and many many many thanks to those that have. Videl1212, Lyralien, and KodieKix- you guys rock. Thanks to everyone that reads this.

Carmen's POV

I paced in front of Kit's. I knew that Shane was waiting, that I had told her I would be there a half an hour ago, but I was too jittery to just go in. I ignored the weird looks people were giving me, took a deep breath, and opened the door. It was packed, and I could barely move, but my eyes went straight to Shane. She was sitting at the bar, a defeated look on her face. She must have thought I was screwing with her. Not that I could blame her…I was a lot later than I had told her. She was alone, except for the occasional woman trying to pick her up. I pushed my way through to her, almost losing my nerve twice.

To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was thinking. Meeting Shane, I mean. This woman had broken my heart…and here I was, calling her and telling her I loved her. I toyed with the idea of leaving her at the bar, like she had left me at the altar, but once I got close enough to see her eyes I knew I couldn't leave. She looked at me with such relief that my heart almost broke.

"Carmen! I thought maybe you…never mind. I'm glad you're here." She stood and for a moment, looked like she wanted to hug me but wasn't sure if I would freak out. I smiled wryly and hugged her instead, taking a deep breath and inhaling the scent that was purely Shane. My head automatically went to the space between her shoulder and neck, like it always had.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Shane," I said apologetically. "I just…got caught up at home. Thanks for coming." She just nodded, her eyes studying me. She knew that I was lying. "I…look, I'm not trying to break up you and Jenny, but I just realized that I still really care about you. I feel like if we don't give this another try we're always going to regret it."

I looked at Shane, who looked like she was at a loss for words. So I continued, "I'm in a relationship, Shane. But what I have with her…it's not even close to what I had with you. I don't want to settle for second best just because it's safe."

Shane sat back down, and I did the same. "I don't…look, you're the only person in my life that I've ever really loved. I screwed that up, Carmen, I know that, but you have to know that I thought I was doing what was best for you. I honestly don't know how I've survived this long without you, I don't think I can do it any longer. I love you, Carmen. Please, give me another chance. Let me make it right. I will do anything it takes."

I was shocked to see tears in her eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept at all last night, her clothes were wrinkled, her hair was a mess. She basically looked like a big disaster. And she was. But now that the hurt from being abandoned by her was eased, I saw something I hadn't been able to see for a long time. Shane had run because she was worried that if she had married me she would end up hurting me worse. I looked closely at her as she waited for my response. Her eyes were filled with fear and sorrow and guilt.

I took her hand gently. "I know, Shane. I know you were trying to protect me. I'm not mad anymore. Let's give it another try. We'll take it slow this time."

Shane smiled. "So no sex in the back room?"

I laughed. "Not tonight, tiger. Come on, you can walk me home." I kissed her tenderly, and I could feel her tense up. "Easy, Shane. I know you're worried that I'm messing with you, but I'm not. I really do want this again." This time when I kissed her, she relaxed into my arms. As we walked down the street, our hands intertwined, I smiled. For the first time in a long time, things were right again.

The End


End file.
